my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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