Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
