Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
