I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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