Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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