Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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