Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
