Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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