yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
