Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
