oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize