You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize