I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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