3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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