would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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