Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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