i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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