just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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