why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
