Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
