just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
