im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
