who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
