and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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