dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
