she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
