Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
