Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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