i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
