I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
