he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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