went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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