Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
