You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
