I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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