His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
