the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
