Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
