He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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