can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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