its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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