for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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