you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
