Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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