i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
