Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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