The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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