I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
