His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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