I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
