When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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