I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
