Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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