Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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