Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
