there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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