Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
