Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
