my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
