What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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