Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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