Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
