she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
