I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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