This is not my ceiling
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
