Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize