and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize