he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
