I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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