I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
