I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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